Lauren is working on homework, which seems to consist of cutting out pictures from magazines. Lo helps. I think that was my homework in, like, second grade. Lauren invites Lo to have drinks with Holly that night. Lo wants to know the scoop on Holly being back in town. Lauren admits that she worries a bit that Holly is trying to broker a peace between Lauren and Heidi. So what if she is? Just tell her no. Why so much drama, LC? Lo points out that "drinks are harmless." Usually, Lo. But not always.

It annoys me that every episode title ends in points of ellipses, because I think it encourages people who think it's okay to end a sentence that way, instead of using them as God intended. Like, the episode titles for this show are not complete sentences, and please don't take them as such. Thank you. Also, I know that the episode titles are typically lines spoken by people on the show and thus not grammatically correct, but it still bugs me. Anyway, Audrina and her co-worker Chiara are having a snack. Audrina is psyched about her date with some dude, and admits that she kind of wants JB to be jealous. Oh, Audrina. I hate to say this, because it's such a cliché, but he's just not that into you.

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Previously, Heidi hadn't told her parents that she and Spencer were living together again. Because she didn't want her family all up in her business in relation to the guy she's planning to marry. Stephanie shadily went out with Doug while Lauren was in Italy. Yes, Lauren broke up with Doug. Still. Shady. Very Pratt-ian.

Lauren and Whitney work out. Whitney uses her cool-down period to get the deets on what Lauren's been up to. Lauren talks about her trip to Italy and Stephanie and Doug's date. Even the trainer is like, "Didn't you date Doug, Lauren?" Didn't Whitney date the trainer at one point? The trainer is all, "Stephanie's a straight-up bitch! That shit is wack!" Okay, I don't know why I made the trainer a character from In Living Color circa 1992, but work with me here.

Wow, MTV really loves Britney now. They are featuring her new song right at the top of the show. Anyway, Lauren and Stephanie meet up at FIDM outside. Lauren is totally giving Stephanie the cold shoulder and then just blurts out, "I heard you had dinner with Doug. What are you doing?" Stephanie claims that Doug took advantage of her and used her to get back at Lauren. And then Stephanie is like, "But I'm totally going to his party tomorrow." Kind of awesomely, Lauren is like, "You erased him from your phone and want nothing to do with him... but you're going?" Stephanie comes up with some bullshit rationale about how she got the invite weeks ago. Dude, it's not a wedding. You can just not show up. Lauren gives her a scrunchy WTF face and Stephanie (who I'm just now realizing kind of looks like old school Ashlee Simpson) grins stupidly. And then they both just stare into space.

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In the review of last week's activity, Tom lumps Jeff and Ted together as "funny guys," which I guess may be true, but seems weird. Tom reveals that tonight will be the paso doble and the rumba, and while the stars had five weeks to prepare for last week's dances, this time around, they only had four days. FOUR DAYS! Except that if they learned the other dances quickly, they could have started on this one, right? Or do they not know until after the results show which one they are doing?

Anyway, Tom and Samantha introduce the couples, and they have some wacky outfits this week! There are a lot of boobs. Hello, Toni's boobs. And Brooke's boobs. And Susan Lucci's boobs, which look like ping pong balls attached to a toothpick. Len explains that tonight is tougher than last week because of the short prep time, but he hopes to be surprised. My husband (he's back!) remarks that HD is not kind to Cloris Leachman. I tell him that I'm not kind to Cloris Leachman either.

Toni and Alec are up first. Toni reveals that Alec promised her that if they made it through the first week, he would sing in public, since that would make him as uncomfortable as dancing makes her. So Alec goes to a karaoke bar and tries to sing "Unbreak My Heart" and he is TERRIBLE. Really bad. Good thing this show isn't called "Singing with the Dancers." Their rumba begins. I'm wondering how Toni keeps that awesome body if she has a heart condition and probably isn't really allowed to work out hard. Maybe she's just genetically blessed. Anyway, the rumba is not really my thing. It always looks like Solid Gold to me. Their flesh-colored outfits aren't helping. I can tell that it looks graceful, although I'm not feeling the emotional connection. What about the judges? Tom holds up a 2 paddle as his score for Alec's singing first. In real judging, Len says that he was surprised at how good it was, although he would have liked more basic dancing. Bruno liked the dramatics, but they need to work on the basics. Carrie Ann thinks that Toni dances like she sings, but she calls them on two lifts. Really? There were? I was totally not paying attention. Sorry about that. Backstage, Alec makes a William Hung joke. Again, really? Alec needs better writers. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 8, and Bruno 8.

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Previously, Lauren and Audrina patched things up. Lo and Audrina? Not so much. Lauren dumped Doug, and Stephanie seemed shady. Wow, Stephanie and Doug mentioned in the same sentence? I wonder what that could mean?

Lauren is packing. Oh, this is so like Laguna! I swear, half of that show was someone packing while their friends stood around and watched. Anyway, Lauren is going on vacation, leaving Audrina and Lo home alone. DRAMA! Lauren drives off, and Audrina looks like she's already plotting her escape from evil Lo.

After credits, Stephanie arrives at LAL's house. Audrina awkwardly tells her that Lauren's not there, but apparently Stephanie is there to talk to her. And get more camera time! Audrina says that she and Lo have been cooking together this week a lot, but they haven't been able to get in touch with Lauren in Italy. Stephanie has a confession: Doug asked her out. Audrina is like, "How dare you go against Lauren! Even though she dumped him!" She conveys this with no emotion in her face, as usual, although she does lift her eyebrows. Stephanie's skin looks great this week. Anyway, Audrina advises her to wait and talk to Lauren before taking action. Stephanie wonders how Lauren would even find out, and if that's your first question, there are shady activities happening. But she is Spencer's sister and thus, inherently shady. Did I just agree with Brody again? I have GOT to stop doing that.

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Previously, Audrina spent more time with JB, and Audrina and Lauren agreed to refresh their friendship. Spencer lied to Holly that both he and Heidi wanted her to move out and Holly started to realize that her sister kind of sucks.

Holly asks Heidi and Spencer what they're doing that night. They're boring, and there aren't any red carpet events where Heidi can pull her hair back so tight that her eyeballs are popping out of her head (seriously, did you see those photos?), so they're planning to stay home. Holly thinks she needs to get out and meet people, adding that the only people she knows in L.A. are Heidi and [super long pause] Lauren. Spencer gives a dirty look, and I realize that Spencer's head is completely squared off on the top. Dude is not cute. At all. Heidi tries to be sort of diplomatic about her sister hanging out with Lauren in a passive-aggressive way, and Spencer gets flat-out aggressive-aggressive, telling Holly that as long as she's living under his roof, there will be no fraternizing with Lauren. He actually says fraternizing. I haven't heard that term used since my JV softball team used to have to share a bus to away games with the JV baseball team, and the baseball coach used to yell at us that there was to be no fraternizing betwixt the two. Holly, to her credit, gives Spencer a WTF look and says that she'd like to see a familiar face, and Spencer pouts and stomps out of the room like a child.

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Previously, Heidi's sister Holly thought about moving to Los Angeles but Spencer didn't want her staying with them because, like most abusive partners, he wanted to isolate Heidi from her friends and family. Lauren dumped Doug the Dud, and Audrina told Lo that they would never be friends. And now they're all going to Vegas for Frankie's birthday!

Lauren, Stephanie, and Lo walk out onto the tarmac of a private airport so that they can take Doug's jet to Vegas. Either Stephanie or Lo voices everyone's thoughts when she says, "You broke up with a guy who has a jet?" Oh, frozen burritos. How you create ostentatious displays of wealth. Anyway, they all board Air Burrito, and have I mentioned that Stephanie has on the shortest skirt ever? Lauren mentions that Audrina and Justin Bobby are coming on a different plane. Like, another private plane? Or are they flying commercial? Anyway, Lauren looks stressed out about it. Brody douches a speech about how he's glad Stephanie is there because it's almost as good as having Spencer there. Stephanie, who was looking kind of hopeful that Brody was giving a toast to her, is crestfallen. Lauren looks like she has a headache. Oh, dear.

Vegas. The group arrives at their hotel in two limos and head to their rooms. Lo asks Lauren if she's going to make out with Doug or Brody tonight. Lo places her bet on Brody and Stephanie goes with Doug. Lauren doesn't think she'll make out with either of them, because she's "been there, done that." Lo has to up the drama by bringing up Brody's toast. Stephanie isn't sure why Brody has been telling Lauren not to trust her, and Lauren thinks Stephanie just has to prove him wrong. Stephanie looks confused. She's probably thinking about her hamster/guinea pig.

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People's Revolution. Whitney announces that she's going to New York the next day, and she and Lauren express surprise that things are happening so quickly with Whitney's new job. Lauren jokes that all Whitney can do is "pack lots of black." I feel like there's a euphemism in there somewhere, but I can't quite find it, so I'm just going to stick with the ever-popular "That's what she said." I don't know what that means. Whitney earns her paycheck for the week by turning the conversation to Lauren and Doug. Lauren admits that she's not that excited about Doug, and she's kind of over it, because there's no spark there. Whitney advises Lauren to end things, because it's not like a spark is just going to present itself at some future point. She even gives Lauren some talking points, which boil down to "It's not you, it's me." Lauren knows she should do it, but just doesn't want to have the conversation. Who does? Is there anyone out there who looks forward to the break-up conversation?

FIDM. Lauren meets up with Stephanie on a wall outside. Stephanie breaks the news that Spencer disowned her over the birthday party. The thing that cracks me up is this: wouldn't you be kind of devastated, or at least mildly upset, if a sibling got so angry with you that he or she disowned you? And yet, Stephanie talks like she's discussing the fact that the pizza place ran out of pepperoni, so she had to have a plain cheese pizza for dinner last night. Not that she eats carbs, but you get the point. I'm not sure if this is because A) the sibling in question is Spencer, and he sucks, or B) Stephanie kind of sucks, or C) this whole thing is fake so who cares? Probably D) all of the above, right? Anyway, Stephanie uses the opportunity to express how grateful she is that Lauren is still her friend and it's all kind of embarrassing because I actually kind of like Lauren as a character on this fake show but the adulation does get a little over the top.

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Lauren and Stephanie are at their FIDM (or whatever) class thing, and Stephanie is telling Lauren about having her birthday party in some stupid club, and Lauren's excited about going. She wants to bring a guy. "You have a guy in your life?" asks Stephanie, and Lauren tells her about Doug the injured baseball player. Stephanie says athletes are her favorite type of guy. Really? Not intellectuals? Huh. Is she going to invite Spencer and Heidi? She says something about "drama" following Spencer and Heidi. "I don't know if it follows as much as they chase it," says Lauren. I don't know which draft of the script they're shooting, but that's a good line, and "Drama Follows Them" is the title of the episode.

Doug and Lauren hit the Creperie, and Doug talks about how great Lauren looks, and she burbles something about wanting to find their prom pictures, and Doug is all "I have them!" ...only he found them at the Laguna house and not his house here. Fascinating! You guys only have to fill half an hour a week, and this conversation makes the cut? He asks how things are with Audrina. Lauren says Audrina and Lo had a little chat that was a "disaster" and he says everyone in her life is hectic. She tells him about Stephanie's birthday party, and he says he'll be there, and she hopes Spencer won't be. "Blood's thicker than water," he says, which I presume was the second choice for episode title.

Over at Epic Records, Audrina's pretending to work with Chiara, who acts all outraged about Lo's chat with Audrina, and Audrina is apparently going to the stupid birthday party, too.
At People's Revolution, Whitney natters on about Kelly, Robin and Emily coming to town to check on things, and she's going to a work dinner with them tonight. She's a little nervous and intimidated. "Do you have anything going on this week?" she asks Lauren, who tells her about the birthday party. "Are Spencer and Heidi coming?" asks Whitney, and Lauren says Stephanie said they weren't, which Whitney seems to think is bizarre. "I'm not even going to try to understand that relationship," says Lauren, which is good advice for everyone watching this show to follow about everyone ON this show.

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Last season, Lauren and Whitney got new jobs working for Kelly Crow-trone, who is no Lisa Love, but is still kind of awesome, especially in interviews where she seems totally bemused to be part of this show. Lauren, Lo and Audrina moved into a house together, and Audrina was feeling left out and contemplated moving into her own place. Lauren had a heart-to-heart with her, and Audrina confessed that she thought Lo was trying to break them apart. Which, by the way, Lo totally was, and I love Lo. Meanwhile, Heidi whatever and her job whatever and Spencer whatever. So Spencer moved back in and whatever.

Lauren and Whitney are at work, and Whitney asks how things are going at home. Going through racks of clothes is totally the new sitting in the fashion closet when it comes to Whitney asking Lauren about her life. Lauren says that Lo is helping her throw a birthday party for Audrina, and also Lauren has a date with a guy named Doug. We all know from reading the gossip sites that Doug is Casey from Laguna's brother, which is hilarious to me because Casey was such a goon. Anyway. Lauren went to prom with him, and they don't mention that Doug is a pro baseball player, so presumably he's either been playing college ball or playing in the minors and just moved back to L.A. And he asked Lauren out! She's excited; she tells Whitney that she hasn't been on more than one date with a guy since Heidi and Spencer set her up with Brody. Whoa. That's a dry spell. Whitney is shocked and she and Lauren giggle. Aw. I actually missed these two together.

Bolthouse. Heidi and Kimberly walk in. Heidi should really not wear skinny jeans. She has no fat on her body, but she's somehow still a little hippy and the skinny jeans don't work for her. Heidi says that her sister is coming to town for the weekend, but she's nervous because Spencer sucks. I mean, she has other reasons, but it boils down to the fact that Spencer sucks. Nice to know that some things never change. Also, Heidi is kind of to blame because she didn't tell Spencer that her sister was coming, and she didn't tell her sister that Spencer moved back in with her. So Heidi's plan is to get home early and play it casual. That should work well.

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Stephanie breaks the news to Spencer that Heidi has gone to Vegas for work and might not be coming back. The loose canon that he is, Spencer decides to go there to get his woman back. In the meantime, Heidi is actually working with her bosses to redesign a casino.

Whitney asks Lauren about Audrina, and Lauren says she's not sure why her pal is being so distant. Whitney urges LC to talk to Audrina. Audrina decides to look for her own apartment, after living with Lo and Lauren doesn't quite meet her expectations. Lauren cooks dinner for the roommates and they wait on Audrina. Meanwhile, Lo complains that she and Audrina aren't close. Audrina skips dinner with the girls.

Stephanie goes along for the trip and finds out Heidi's whereabouts for Spencer. Spence busts in on Heidi's "business meeting" and calls her outside. Heidi goes off Spencer for interrupting her, while Brent reprimands Heidi for the childish acts of her (ex?) boyfriend. Spencer begs Heidi to go back to LA with him. The next morning Heidi stands up her bosses and we find out she went home with Spencer!

It really doesn't get any more stupid or immature than that.

Lauren heads to Audrina's guest house to talk about the tension between the girls. Audrina confronts Lauren and says that she feels that Lo is pushing them apart. Lauren winds up crying and says that she thinks that Audrina is isolating herself. The girls leave things unsettled.

So, that's that for now. Hope you enjoyed Season 3 of The Hills -- stand by for more of the drama, as Season 4 starts airing this August. Until then...

 

All of a sudden the girls are living in their new house -- Lauren and Lo in the main house, with Audrina in the guest house. And, of course, they have to throw a housewarming party. Over breakfast Lauren tells Lo that Stephen (yes, Laguna Beach Stephen) is in town and coming to the bash. Lo gets all excited that Lauren and Stephen are going to rekindle their flame -- and it looks like Lauren wants that, too.

Stephanie tells Spencer that she wants to go to Lauren's party and accuses Spence of holding a grudge. They bicker and he leaves. When Steph breaks the news to Heidi that she's headed over to Lauren's, Heidi cops a major attitude. Heidi questions her loyalty and guilts her into staying at her house to watch a movie. Lame!

As the girls get ready for the party, Lauren and Lo sort of dig at Audrina for inviting Justin Bobby. Does anyone else feel bad for Audrina? It's like she's their punching bag! Lo asks Lauren if Stephen is coming just as a friend or something more -- LC tells her not to go "'all ninth grade" on her. The party begins and some familiar faces show up -- Jarret the trainer, Whitney, Brody and Brody's girlfriend Cora, who Lauren manages to eek out a smile for.

Stephen arrives, followed by a short-haired Justin Bobby! He cut all that grossness off! Unfortunately it didn't do anything for his personality. JB and Audrina talk and cuddle in her back house, while Stephen and Lauren make plans to have dinner another night. Um, he's just as cute as ever.

When Steph and Lauren meet up at school, she apologizes for not showing for Lauren's party. Lauren tells her about Stephen and their upcoming date. Lauren gets all decked out for her big night out and the friends talk over dinner about life and love. There's some weird conversation about how everyone expects something to happen between them but how they are better off as friends.

There is just something about Steven that gives a girl butterflies in her stomach -- well, this girl anyway...

Next week -- Heidi goes to Vegas...

Lauren, Lo, and Audrina prepare for a big night at out Goa, as Heidi and Stephanie do the same. When Steph tells Heidi that Lauren is going to be there, Heidi has hopes that she and her frenemie will be able to be civil. She says everything that happened between the two of them is "old water under the bridge."

At the club there is a Justin Bobby sighting and Heidi does her best "good friend" imitation and runs over to tell Audrina that her ex is there (while Lauren is at the bar, of course). When Lauren returns to the table, she ignores Heidi and tells Steph that she wishes she didn't bring Spencer's sis along.

Kinda rude -- I'm almost ready to tell Lauren to get off her high horse and get over it.

Justin Bobby gets to the table and sits between Audrina and Heidi. Lauren gets pissed, gets up and tells Lo that she wants to go home. She just can't pretend that it's okay that they are all sitting together.

The next day, Lauren and Lo talk about moving in together. They want to get a new house with Audrina, but she's not around to discuss because she's out to dinner with Justin Bobby! Lo says that JB and Heidi will not be allowed in the new house. Audrina and Justin flirt and have a nice time. They talk about having missed each other.

Finally Spencer makes an appearance when Heidi shows up at Stephanie's apartment. Heidi complains to Spencer that Lauren was "icy" towards her at the club the other night and Spence is unsympathetic. Heidi leaves in a huff.

Lo, Lauren and Audrina have dinner and L&L spring on Audrina their thoughts of moving in together. Audrina looks taken back and says she'll move in with them if they want her.

Next week: Laguna Beach's Stephen returns!!! Hello hotness! 

Heidi and Audrina meet for lunch and Heidi asks her new-old friend to join her in a Girls Night Out. Stephanie meets the girls at S bar, along with some random co-workers and the girls talk crap about Spencer -- who shows up. Heidi freaks when she sees Spence talking to some ladies. I mean, she goes nuts for no reason. He was talking to a girl and she's all like "I can't even look at you." I can't believe I'm taking Spencer's side but, he called Heidi 'insane", and I'm going to have to agree.

The next morning Audrina gives Lauren a play-by-play of her evening with Heidi and Co., and LC puts in Audrina's head that Speidi may be trying to snag Audrina to piss off Lauren. Then Lauren calls Spencer "scum" -- you know, the usual. Heidi whines to her co-worker (who has to be SO SICK of hearing about this) that Spencer betrayed her and she doesn't know how she can love and hate someone so much at the same time.

Lauren helps out Whitney with the casting for Whitney's crazy boss' fashion show and they ask her to stay on and help with the actual show. Kelly barks orders at the girls and the show is a success. Kelly offers Lauren a position with the company.

Spencer and Heidi meet to talk about the night before and Spencer says he doesn't know how long he can wait around for Heidi to decide she wants to get off "relationship vacation."

Next week: The return of Justin Bobby...

It's Lauren's birthday and, to celebrate, she invites friends out to a club --including Spencer's sis, Stephanie.

In the meantime, Spencer moves some ugly piece of furniture out of Heidi's apartment and into the middle of Steph's living room. She's livid and he's like a mad little baby. He's an ungrateful little bee-yotch, and licks her out of the living room (aka his bedroom). She says she's done talking to him.

At S Bar, Audrina, Whitney, Lo dance the night away for Lauren's birthday. Stephanie shows up with a friend and Lo and Audrina are skeptical. They totally think that Stephanie is up to something and is not sincere. After a few drinks, Lauren tells Steph that she thinks Stephanie is "a really good person." The next day, Heidi finds out the Steph was at Lauren's party and is not happy. She tells Spencer, who freaks out.

Lauren and Brody meet for lunch and LC drops the Stephanie bomb on him. He, too, cautions her. When Steph gets home, Spencer confronts her. She says she thinks she can get everyone to be friends again, which Spence doesn't seem interested in. Stephanie cries that her brother needs to stop having enemies. The next day, Steph tells Lauren that Spencer was pissed, and Lauren feels bad that she's causing fights between them.

Stephanie pays Heidi a visit and Heidi rips into her for going to the party. She warns her that one day you can be Lauren's best friend and then the next day you're, well, Heidi.

 

Lauren returns home from Paris and tells Audrina all about her travels, while Whitney heads into the boss lady's office at Teen Vogue to quit. Evil woman gives Whit her blessing and sends her on her way. Lauren and Whitney get all sad thinking about not working together anymore.

At her office, Heidi explains to her co-worker that she doesn't want to break up with Spencer -- and he certainly shouldn't think about seeing other people -- but he needs to move out because she needs her space. Spencer complains to his sister, Stephanie, that he has to move out and says that he's considering looking to date other girls.  Heidi and Stephanie meet for breakfast and Steph lets it slip that Spencer is thinking about dating -- much to Heidi's dismay.

Whitney goes on an interview for a stylist's position with Kelly Cutrone of People's Revolution. The interview goes well, I guess, and Kelly offers Whitney the job, but not before telling her that she is about to give up her life to work there. Ouch -- that's something they usually don't tell you when you get hired.

Lauren and Audrina head out on the town to Les Deux where they meet up with Frankie and Brody. Lauren gives Brody the cold shoulder and asks him where his "girlfriend" is. Brody plays dumb, but Lauren isn't having it. He accuses Lauren of having her own romance in Paris and not treating him as a friend.  He storms out and Frankie tries to smooth things over.

The next morning Lauren and Lo have breakfast and Lauren admits that Brody has a way of making her feel like she's not good enough. The good pal that Lo is, she tells Lauren that she's being ridiculous and that Brody should be chasing her, and that she has to figure out a way to just be friends with him if they are all going to hang out all of the time.

Spencer packs up his stuff in the apartment, while a plastic-looking Heidi watches. He tosses her an "Enjoy your space" as he walks out. Whitney packs up her desk at the Teen Vogue offices, as they girls reminisce about all their good times. They say goodbye (like Whitney is leaving for war) and talk about what Whit will wear on her first day at her new job. Squeal!

Part II -- "An Unexpected Friend"

Whitney heads to NY for fashion week with her new job, and it's just crazy. What did she get herself into?? She works into the middle of the night, but seems to be do a great job with the fancy designers. At the fashion show, Whitney rocks and impresses her weird boss.

Lauren's in class at school when she notices that Stephanie is her classmate. Later she and Audrina talk about how random it is that Steph is in her class. At the next class meeting Stephanie goes over to Lauren and apologizes for their screaming encounter last season. Lauren makes nice and the girls seem to bond a little over what a jerk Spencer can be. Stephanie helps Heidi paint her apartment and comes clean about the apology to Lauren. Lo and Audrina advise Lauren not to trust Steph.

Heidi complains to her friend that Lauren and Steph are friends, while Spencer loses his mind when he finds out that his sis is fraternizing with the enemy. He tells her he can't trust her. She calls him a loser. At school, Lauren and Steph hang out and have lunch and Steph complains about Spencer and Heidi.

Next week: Stephanie gets a little too close to Lauren -- or so says Speidi...

 

We hit up The Hills premiere party last night at Gotham Hall to get a load of the action and chat with Lauren Conrad. We took a different approach to the questions this time around, giving Lauren mini-personality quiz questions to answer. And, after you check out her answers, scroll down for some more Audrina-esque scoop from the event.

Which Sex and the City character are you?
I'm a mix between Carrie and Charlotte. I think that I relate better to Carrie but I tend to be a little bit more reserved like Charlotte... And then I have days when I'm being really negative and I'm like, 'I'm being a Miranda.' If you're a guy hater that day you're like, 'Don't be Miranda.'

Who would play you in a movie of your life?
If I could pick someone I would pick an undiscovered actress.

Who would play your ideal man?
Oh boy! It would be Mark Wahlberg. Dreamy.

What kind of drink are you?
I am a glass of champagne. That's what I always drink.

Which Britney Spears are you? Young, innocent, bald, angry, party?
I think I'm the younger Britney. I don't think I'm that crazy.

Which Spice Girl are you?
Geri, definitely.

Which Disney princess are you?
Not Jasmine. I would be Sleeping Beauty.

And now, for Audrina...
Our favorite part of The Hills premiere party? No, it wasn't Mariah Carey. Instead it was the MIA factor of one recently naked Audrina. Sure, if you watched the show, you know she was always there when the cameras were rolling. But as soon as the cameras weren't on the girls, a publicist would grab Audrina and run her across the room before any press could swoop in and ask her about her nude pictures.

Obviously this was a good idea, as I'm sure those were the only types of questions Audrina would be asked, and I bet she didn't want to have to talk about the photos. Do you think this press escape plan upset her? Do you think she was embarrassed? Or is it all just part of the job? Leave your thoughts in the comments section!

It's the time we've all been waiting for -- The Hills premiere!

When we last saw Lauren and Whitney, they were off to Paris for Teen Vogue. When the girls arrive they squeal over the Eiffel Tower and head to pick up their ball gowns for their big fancy party. The girls screw up their first work task when they arrive at a boutique after it's closed and can't get shoes for their models. Seems they should have went for the shoes before their gowns. Live and learn, girls, live and learn.

In Colorado, Heidi is trying to take her break from Spencer by skiing and hanging with her family. She gets counseled by her mom, who tells her to concentrate on herself. Back in Cali, Spencer's sis comes to visit him and he moons over Heidi. Stephanie tells him it's a bad idea to follow Heidi to Colorado but Spence has his own plan. He lands in Crested Butte (I kid you not -- that's the name of the town -- it sounds like Crusty Butt to me) and heads to Heidi's house. He has a stressed conversation with Heidi's stepfather who, basically, told him he should have tried calling before catching the next plane.

Lauren and Whitney help out at a photo shoot for Teen Vogue and, while working, Lauren's cell rings. It's Audrina calling from home to tell Lauren that Brody has a new girlfriend! Um, didn't Lauren just kiss him goodbye like, five seconds ago? Lauren tells Whitney who sort of laughs and says, "Well that took two days." Very sensitive. In her own Marcia Brady way, Whitney encourages Lauren to look for a new love while in France. "I'm sure Paris full of guys cooler than Brody," she says, while I snicker.

Heidi (who looks like she's had some major work done) and her mom return home to find Spence in the living room. Heidi berates him for just showing up, accusing him of only caring about himself. Ya think? Heidi, Spencer and the fam go to dinner where Spencer just gets thrown under the bus. Spence tries to apologize but Heidi doesn't give an inch. Later Heidi and Spencer spend some alone time where Heidi continues to push him away. She tells him she wants him to move out of their L.A. apartment. She sends him packing.

In Paris, Lauren and Whit meet up with the band Rock N' Roll, who Lauren had met back in L.A. One of the band members ogles Lauren over drinks and suggests they go see the Eiffel Tower. They invite them to go to a club later, where LC is the center of attention. The next morning Lauren notices that her dress for the ball has been burned by her curling iron and is ruined! Oh no! While she cries it out Whitney makes a phone call and gets Lauren a substitute dress.

At the Crillon ball, the girls get all dressed up to work. I have to say, the both look gorgeous. Lauren's admirer from the band, Matthias, picks her up from the ball to drive her around Paris on his scooter. He looks all sexy and brooding while he waits for her. They drive off and see the sights, but 'ol Matthias gets a nothing out of Lauren but two pecks on the cheek -- he so wanted a real French kiss.

Lauren and Whitney head to the airport and head home.

What will happen when the whole crew is back in the same little town? It's gonna get good! Meet me back here next Monday for more!

Whitney Port, aka Lauren's friend on The Hills, has been busy making people happy. Last weekend she worked with Clinique to spread "Random Acts of Happiness" around NYC. She started off her day by taking kids from Big Brothers and Big Sisters ice skating. We always knew Whitney was the nice one on the block.

It's finally here -- and with an emotional mix of excitement, relief and sadness, I give you The Hills season finale recap.

The first scene starts off with Whitney being offered the Teen Vogue trip to Paris, which she's psyched about, but when she asks the boss lady if Lauren will be coming along, the Lisa says Lauren had her chance to go to Paris last year, but chose to stay with Jason. And we all now how that turned out. Whitney breaks the news to Lauren, who seems devastated for being looked over.

Spencer shows up at Heidi's office, but Heidi has her assistant say she's not there. Burn!!

Back at Teen Vogue Whitney prepares for her trip, inadvertently rubbing salt in Lauren's wounds, when Lauren gets a call from Lisa. L.C. heads into the boss' office where she gets the awesome news that she will be joining Whitney in the City of Lights!

Brody and Lauren meet for dinner and Lauren tells Brody she's leaving. They talk about what they want out of a relationship and Brody says he's afraid a serious romance between them would end badly -- like all of his other relationships.

At Heidi and Spencer's apartment, Heidi is packing when Spence shows up. She says she's going home to Colorado to give them "space". Heidi says the wedding isn't happening anytime soon, and she and Spencer share an emotional goodbye. I almost, I repeat, almost felt bad for Spencer.

Lauren packs 500 pairs of shoes for her trip and says goodbye to Audrina. Brody's outside waiting for Lauren and teases her about leaving him. They share a decent kiss goodbye -- but it could have been better. Lauren and Whitney board the plane and head off to Paris.

And that's it. Over and done.

Not a lot of closure -- but, have no fear, just heard our little show has been picked up for another season -- The Hills in Paris and so on, so all the drama will continue, and I look